Science
has proven that no two persons are born having identical DNA’s. We may be
ninety-nine percent the same when it comes to our genetic make-up but no one is
exactly alike. In one way or the other, there is always something that makes
one individual different from another.
Aside
from one’s genetic make-up, the environment in which one is cultivated has
created various instances that lead to settting an individual apart from all
the rest. A person may be different when it comes to his race, his beliefs, his
culture, his status, his desires, his practices or even his ideals. Growing up,
we are taught that we are unique and that no one is like you or me.
Who
we are is a result of our constant self-discovery and rediscovery. Our becoming
is an everyday endeavour. As we grow, we learn to decide freely. We learn to
choose what we want and we learn to select the things that would make us happy.
We learn to say no to things that we don’t like. And we learn to craft the
tomorrow that we want to achieve. These everyday decisions define who we are
and set us apart from all the rest.
But
then, the process doesn’t end there. We are not lone entities. We are situated
in a place where we are with millions, or even billions of individuals whom we
need to co-exist. And just like you and me, each of these individual wants
something and/or has something to say. We are caught up in a traffic of people who
are also in a process of self discovery. And reality becomes more complicated.
Everyday becomes an arena of clashing wants.
And
this you, who is also influenced by your own interests is confronted by people
who like you have only two thoughts in mind - First, of what they want; and second, how to
get it.
These
differences often result to conflict because we insist on what we want rather
than compromise.
This
difference among each one of us has become our excuse whenever there arises a
conflict of interest. It is but natural that because we have varied wants, we
end up taking part in an interplay of negotiations and persistence to win over
another. To have what we want, we end up fighting strangers, our mentors, our
colleagues, our friends, and even those that we love the most. Instead of
allowing our differences to complement each other, we have used it to widen the
gap amongst ourselves leading to conflicts.
A few
years ago, my western Philosophy teacher one’s told me that the problem between
people is that we do not know how to listen. Whenever we are in a
confrontation, we close our ears and insist on what we want. It is either a
take it or leave it – there is no room for compromise. We insist that someone
is right and that someone must be us. Winning means resolution of conflict –
that it is only the means to end a misunderstanding. And when someone tells us
that we are wrong, we take it negatively. We take it as an attack against our
person.
Most
of the time we are overwhelmed by our desires that we end up hurting a lot of people.
And it is only later that we realize, that in the process of getting what we
want, we lose those that we love. We sacrifice so many things thinking that
what we are doing is for a greater cause. And yes we may have destroyed the
obstacle towards getting what want, but we have also destroyed ourselves.
Speaking up for yourself and fighting for what you want is not bad. But
allowing our emotions and allowing conflict to control us in our dealings with
others is like a poison seeping through our veins, slowly killing us. It can
corrupt us to the very core.
Thus,
in order that this be prevented, I am in full support to what Mr. Villanueva
said, that whenever there is a conflict, and when everyone is at his tipping
point, it is best to step back and move towards the “balcony” so as to better assess the situation. It is only through
stepping back that we get the picture in its entirety and not only through our vantage
point.
Conflict
exists everyday. And these conflicts that arise in our day to day encounters
may be those wherein we are directly implicated or those where we act as mere
spectators. In the former, we either choose to insist our stand or just let it
go whereas in the latter, we often prefer to not be involved. Why do we have to
involve ourselves in conflict, when after all life itself is already
complicated.
And
yes, our attitude towards conflict has always been the same throughout the
ages. We take conflict as something negative. Conflict is something that we
must avoid. It is bad. It brings nothing good. It causes destruction. It breaks
hearts. Conflict as much as possible must be avoided. Instead of facing conflict, we remove that
which causes the conflict or we move away from the conflict itself. In our minds
we think that we have won over conflict but in reality we actually did not.
Thus
we are locked up in a cycle spiralling up. Our philosophy is not to confront
conflict and leave it as it is - thinking that it will simply annihilate and
die its natural death. This is our
greatest mistake.
Man has the
capacity to understand. It is a gift that he must share.
Thinking that “conflict must be avoided” is an
insult to man. It is like saying that conflict can never be resolved or
transformed and thus we cannot do anything about it. Saying that we must just
let it go and let it be is tantamount to admitting that we are not capable of
understanding the other. At the same time, when we refuse to understand
conflict, we give up on the opportunity that maybe we can do something about
it. This very principle of facing conflicts knocked me during the conflict map
workshop conducted during the conflict transformation seminar that we
participated in weeks ago.
When asked to draw a conflict map, we decided
to choose a case that me and my classmates are so familiar with. We decided to
plot the conflict that involves two of our classmates where things have ended
up very destructive. We used to get pissed off whenever these specific
classmates of ours fight. Their fights were never obscure and slowly the
violence between them have become physical. The rest of us in the room knew what
was happening but we decided to keep our eyes closed. We did nothing. We believed
that we cannot do anything about it and that we should keep our noses out of
it. But then we are wrong. We could have done something about it. And maybe,
just maybe we could have made them feel that in the interplay of their wants,
interests and needs, they have friends who could support them. We are the bond
that supposedly could have connected them so that the misunderstanding can be
discussed and so that a middle ground is achieved. But then, we easily avoided
the conflict, not thinking that it will only cause more damage than we expect.
But also we must put to mind that it is not at
all instance that we must insist on resolving conflict immediately. There are
conflicts that have been witnessed by history and conflicts that have been with
various generations. Some conflicts have created wounds that are too difficult
to cure. Indeed, some conflicts are irreconcilable. There are conflicts that
only time can heal and are difficult to resolve - after all, what we are
dealing with are emotions. A perfect example would be the conflict between the
Muslims and the Christians in various areas in the country.
I am a Mindanaoan. I was born and raised in
Mindanao. My mother lived in a Muslim community while I have Muslim relatives
from my father’s side. I have participated in the MILF peace process and have
been exposed to people who also share in the mission of “re-righting” history.
Whenever I tell people especially my Christian friends that I support the
Bangsamoro Framework, I always receive a raise of brows. I find it difficult to
explain to them that the MILF’s to be specific are men armed by their
principles. They are people who just like anyone of us are willing to kill for
the sake of what they believe. They are people who are driven to fight on
behalf of their children.
The misunderstanding between the government and
the Moros came into existence even before I was born. Everyone was pushing
their side unwilling to listen to the other. Everyone’s pretending that they
understand, but in reality is motivated only by the will to pull the other
towards their side. We often say that anything can be resolved through a
peaceful dialogue but ironically, when we do dialogue, we do not communicate,
we simply insist our wants.
The capacity to understand is man’s gift. We are
different: but this capacity to understand endowed to us is our means in order
to realize that we are all not that different. No one is above another and that
this differences that we have will only help give birth to something beautiful.
Conflict is natural. In
wherever we are and in whatever that we do, there is always conflict. It is a manifestation of our being caring
people. Without care, we are simply apathetic people who wouldn’t mind whatever
is happening around us. But we shouldn’t stop in knowing that conflict is
natural. We must always put to mind that conflict is part of our natural
process of growth. And as part of a process that entails actions or steps in
order to achieve a particular end, we must not remain stagnant in it. It is
important that we find ways to understand the other and go into the root of the
conflict so that it may be resolved or transformed. Because
in the midst of all our differences, there is that something that connects each
one of us. And it is a challenge for us to find that point of alikeness that
makes us all equal.
And from
discord, we give life to something beautiful.
This is what makes the human race beautiful. We
are like the black and white keys of a piano. Every key is different and every
key pressed creates a different sound. Playing the keys altogether may either
result to discord or harmony. Creating discord is easy whereas the latter
entails an effort to work out the discord in order to create a beautiful melody.
True enough, all of us have various wants. We
differ in so many things. But we are challenged to go beyond our differences
and to look into the very core of conflict so that we may find a WIN-WIN
solution. Transforming conflicts and finding ways to accommodate our
differences can be very difficult. But at the same time, let us bear in mind
that nothing worth it comes out from what is easy.
