Sabi nga nang nakatatanda kong kapatid,masyadong OA daw kung gumamit nang papel ang Law School. Sa dami nang binababasa nang mga estudyante sa araw araw eh di mo maiwasang maitanong kung ilang puno na kaya ang katumbas ng tumpok nang papel na nagagamit sa araw araw. Pero kung tatanungin din siguro ang mga Abogado eh "justifiable" lang din naman ito. Eh kung para rin naman sa isang marangal na pakikibaka at pananaliksik para sa hustisya di ba? O Sige na nga...
Napag usapan narin naman natin ang sandamakmak na pirasong papel na naglalaman nang husga nang ating kataas taasang hukuman eh lubus lubusin nalang din natin ang ating chikahan ukol dito. Hindi mo ito maiaalis sa buhay nang isang estudyanteng nais maging Abogado.
Pero hindi rin naman sa lahat nang panahon ay sakit sa ulo ang pagbabasa nang Supreme Court Decisions. Nakakaaliw rin naman itong basahin. May nakakainis, may nakakaiyak at siyempre di rin mawawala yung iilang wala lang talagang kwenta, na kung iisipan mo naman ay napa konting problemang pinalaki lamang. May mga pagkakataon ding hindi mo maiwasang mamangha, baka ang binabasa mo pala'y may kinalaman sa ilang dekada nang kasaysayan nang iyong kinatatayuan o di naman kayay maliit na bahagi na nang buhay nang iyong kapitbahay. Dito, para ka lamang nagbabasa nang isang nobela - may bida, may kontrabida at siyempre may pang gulo pandagdag istorya.
Pero hindi naman ang pagbabasa ang nagbibigay nang sakit ng ulo nang mga estudyante. Bago pa lamang pumasok sa Law School ay siguro alam naman nang lahat na kailangan mong magsunog ng kilay kung gusto mong humanay sa mga pinakamagagaling na manananggol ng bansa. Ang pinuputok nang butsi nang mga estudyante ay ang oras. Sa dami nang babasahin ay tila gusto mo nang huminto ang oras hanggang matapos mo ito lahat. Minsan dagdag torture pa ang pinagsabay sabay na babasahin sa major subjects na hindi mo alam kung alin ang dapat unahin.
Pero di rin naman sa lahat nang panahon eh kaaway nang isang law student ang oras. may mga panahon din namang gusto naming bumilis ang takbo nang panahon. Isang konkretong halimbawa na nito ang mga makapanindig balahibong oral recitations.
08252013
copyright LAE August 2013
Linggo, Agosto 25, 2013
Sabado, Agosto 17, 2013
UNTITLED EPITOME
I am a painter… I paint the beauty of life through every stroke I make. I give color to every dull picture and I give life to the inanimate feature in every piece of paper. I create a masterpiece that touches every person’s soul….I paint life.
I am a writer… I inspire the other half of the globe with the thoughts I have in mind. I awaken every sleeping hollow that have become dummies and captives of this modified world. I write essays, stories, novels, and any other kinds of manuscripts that would intensify the emotion of existence…. I write life.
I am a child… obedient to the wants of my parents. I do whatever pleases them. I study hard to attain good grades in payment of all the hardwork they have done to raise me. I fulfill my duties as a daughter to make them happy and for them to be proud of me…. My parents are my life.
I am a slave…a person who has made herself a captive of this insincere society. I paint not to please myself but to fulfill the wants of every criticizing eye. I write not in accordance with my principles but to satisfy the interest of every reader. I fulfill my parents’ wants not because it makes me happy but because I don’t want to ruin the name they had made of themselves and to not put them to shame.
I am a slave…I have lost my identity and was driven by the dictates of this merciless world. I am ashamed because of the person I have become… my soul is dead. I lost my life.
The Earth - Our Only Home
The temperature of the earth is changing. Cold Seasons have been colder while the warm seasons have become hotter. Weather patterns have changed and natural calamities have brought greater disaster to communities. The world is changing. And climate change has become the newest trend.
Global Warming is a natural phenomenon. It is important for the earth to warm else humans and other species would die because of the extreme cold. But with the kind of warming that we have now, we can all say that this is no longer normal.
Climate change or the warming of the earth’s atmosphere is caused by the increase of greenhouse gases like methane and carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. This is caused by a natural cycle of the earth and reinforced by human activities such as agriculture, pollution, burning of coal and others. Climate change does not only affect the earth’s temperature but also other aspects of climate and can result to other disastrous consequences such as drought, floods and epidemic. With this we can rightfully say that everything in the world is interconnected. Everything that we do creates a domino effect that will either be good or bad.
The earth is a miracle; it was made out of very minute entities that have collectively become our home, other species and us. The world many years ago was very beautiful, filled with everything that we need and might need. It has provided us our basic necessities and have patiently developed us into the person that we are now. But then together with our change in physique and growth in intellect, we have also changed in our relationship with the earth. We have become very proud individuals that have thought that we can manipulate the earth into what we wanted it to become - providing not just our needs but our selfish wants. The earth has taught us to do agriculture, to toil with the soil so that we may live. But instead of working with our hands, we have used technology to speed up our work but leaving our earth degrade faster. Pollution which is a product of our own hands has become one of the major culprits why our earth is slowly dying. The Earth will naturally die, but our irresponsibility will speed things up. Those who have lack in resources have become more adaptive but those who have many continued wasting and abusing what they have. We who are dependent to energy have excavated what is there without thinking that eventually it will be exhausted. When one is gone, we proceed to where it is more convenient or to where it would be easier for us to get what we want.
The earth is one of the greatest miracles while man is another – different yet connected. But the greatest question lies in where man is situated. Is he a conqueror of the earth or a steward of nature? For millions of years, the world is nothing but a beautiful place... but man has changed it. Nature has been our provider but we have failed the world. Being here is a privilege and we are here for a purpose. We are continuously developing, but our unstoppable progress has hindered our responsibility of becoming stewards of the earth. Man has grown intellectually but our hearts have become poor. We have failed the world and our abusive attitude will only lead us to destroying our own home.
The world and the web of life is part of us. We, as the ones given with reason, are the driver of mostly everything that is present in the world. We must remember that when we exhaust one thing, we are also sacrificing another. It forever goes on in the web until we realize that we are committing suicide.
It is okay to dream for humanity. It is okay to dream for us to become better and better. But it is also important that we dream together with the earth. Dreaming for the earth and not just for ourselves doesn’t make us less. Progress is not bad...work is good. But we are depleting what nature provides and we have degraded our own identities. We have to be responsible. We have to remember that "The cost of our action is high." The world is changing and much of its change is man’s responsibility.
Re-route (My 24 hours Tragedy 2)
I slowly opened my eyes as I adjust to the brightness of the light. I can still feel the aching in my body as I move my hand to feel my existence. Where am i? What happened? I was about to stood up from the bed where I am situated with my eyes still half closed when someone held my shoulder to assist me – my brother. He was stopping me from doing what I was supposedly to do. I asked him what happened and where I am as of the moment. I was listening to him intently as the pain of the accident comes back to life.
I was on a quest, on an attempt to forget the person I love. It was a 24-hours countdown I gave myself which ended with an accident. I realized that I was so stupid because I have loved him even on the instance when I am supposed to hate him. I saved the life of the girl who captured his heart… and his happiness was tantamount to my every pain. But maybe love is really like that, trying to make the one you love happy even if it means putting you out of the picture.
Kuya said I’ve been unconscious for days but the doctor said I’m slowly recovering. I hope so… maybe physically I will, but emotionally it would surely take time.
It was around 11:26 in the morning when three bangs on the door were heard. First came Isabelle who felt really sorry for my misfortune, followed by Darwin whom in his eyes is seen a heart filled with so much gratitude.
Isa rushed towards me as she held my hand. She kept on saying sorry as she asks me what I’m currently feeling. In my heart, how I wished I could tell her how I am aching inside… that I‘d rather had chosen to die instead of living in lies. But then the best answer was just a smile, a smile which could mean to her that everything is gonna’ be fine. Darwin was just looking at me. At times our eyes would meet as I then hurriedly move my sight to another direction. Everytime I look at him, I can’t help but lose my defenses… I keep falling over and over again.
Isa’s phone rang that she went outside the room to answer the call. In her absence, I was left alone with Darwin who is seated by the bench positioned opposite to my bed. He started talking to break the silence.
“You terrified us.” He said
I took a deep breath as I gave an answer, “I have to… that was the best thing to do.”
I then move my body as I turned around to avoid seeing him as I continue with my speech, “if I was the one in Isabelle’s position, and if you were the one in mine, would you do the same thing?”
Then there was silence. All that was heard was the exchange of our breathing. Droplets of water were slowly falling from my eyes as loneliness illuminate the room at a snail’s pace. I ain’t sure if he understood what I was implicitly telling him, all I knew is that I am still hurting.
***
Days have passed and I’m back to my old self… away from the smell and gloomy feeling of my hospital room. I’m back to school and people were glad that I am. They have been very curious, asking me the same question again and again. And just like any memorized piece, I kept saying the same speech monotonously.
My club mates were the ones worried the most. They even act overly as they glue me on one place, forbidding me to do what I am supposedly to do for the club. “Don’t do this… Don’t do that… don’t worry Celine we can manage… just sit still…” blah blah blah! Now that was more tiresome. And the funny thing is that they appointed Glenn to become my personal assistant until I fully recover.
On the other hand, If I am one tasked to do the visuals of the publication, Glenn is the one assigned for the sports section. He is in his junior years like me. He joined the publication team, three months after I did. I am not really that close to him. All I knew about him are the little facts which are not new or hidden to anyone. If not for what had happened to me weeks ago, I may not have had the chance to knowing this guy I have always been with in the team.
It’s so akward having Glenn around. Being so silent, I get so intimidated with him. Why do they have to guard me like I’m a baby or well at least why Glenn when we’re not even friends. He even gives me chills whenever he stabs me with his stares… weird Glenn.
The adjustment stage with Glenn around was quite difficult and annoying but after a few days, I started getting used with it. We were not really that close but he was very patient doing the errands that are supposedly mine. I wish to offer him a little help but he only answers me with a smile.
***
Right after class, as I put my notes back to my bag and as people slowly emptied the room, I noticed Isa. She was just on her chair, silent and doodling on her notes. I called her to ask if she wants company out. She just looked at me and then looked away. I knew something is wrong and something’s badly bothering her so I sat on the chair adjacent to hers. I started asking questions which might be the cause of the murky mood… about her family, about school and finally about Darwin.
As I mentioned Darwin’s name, Isa started crying as she told me that they broke up last night for unclear reasons. I stood from where I am situated as I move towards Isa to give her a hug. I should be happy because Darwin is finally free- my chances of having the man I have wanted all my life have amplified. But then I can’t. I feel so sorry for my bestfriend… I didn’t care about Darwin... I cared more about Isa.
***
I was at the clubhouse, eyes closed and with my earphones attached to my ear, silently thinking of what could have happened. Why was it so sudden? They seemed to be both in love with each other back then. I was so engrossed with what I was thinking that I didn’t notice Glenn’s arrival. I almost fell off my chair as Glenn’s face welcomed me as I opened my eyes – just about inches away from mine. His brows meet as he curiously gaze at me. I was shocked as his dark brown eyes met mine. I have never looked at him this close and have never realized how beautiful he is. My face was hot, I realized that I was blushing.
I broke the thing off as I stood from my chair and started talking. His eyes are still glued on me, following me with a serious look.
“So what do you think you’re doing?” I asked him with my hands clasped together.
“Looking at you?” he answered me as he ends it with a smile
I looked at him as he looked at me. There was silence… and then the room was filled with our laughter.
***
Glenn has been my constant companion since I got back to school. I never really expected that I’ll like him. He was just once a shadow passing by my table at the clubhouse. But now, he’s company has been always wanted. I never really thought that we’ll become good friends. But fate was good to me… the accident suddenly became a blessing in disguise.
My free time was filled with chatting and I suddenly became interested with Sports. Having Glenn around, I get to have fresh inside scoops about the school’s status with regards to Sports plus I get to include their bloopers in my comic section. Glenn was a very interesting man. He’s not just good looking but he’s also smart. Well added to his being patient when he became my personal assistant.
I’m actually doing fine now. I have recovered from the accident but still not sure ‘bout what I’m feeling with Darwin. Well I’m getting a lot of information about him from Glenn but then it was no longer much of a thing to me. If it had been weeks ago then maybe I’d care more… but I have to admit it, I still have a liking for him. Maybe I am just overwhelmed with the attention Glenn has given me that I am forgetting Darwin ones in a while. I am even still curious about what he was telling me while we were inside the ambulance. When they were rushing me to the hospital he was saying something, something vague to me until now.
I was about to do something at my table, starting my thing for the arts when Stephanie called from behind. She was playing with her hair with both his legs on the table as she looks at the ceiling counting the nails tucked. She interrupted her moment as she said.
“Remember the basket ball player named Darwin, Celine?” she asked,
I just looked at her and smiled as she continued her talking. “Well he dropped by two hours ago and said that he’ll be waiting for you at the soccer field.”
I just smiled until what Stephanie said fully registered in my mind. “Oh Shit. Two hours ago? why did no one ever tell me?” I took a sip on my cola as I hurriedly ran towards the soccer field. Two hours is too much… and why could he be looking for me? Is it something to do with Isa? Thoughts came rushing in but I still am not sure what’s really going on. In normal conditions, it takes me ten minutes to reach the field from the club house, but now? With the adrenaline rushing through my veins, I miraculously did it in six minutes. I was still catching my breath as I reached the field. Darwin was still there…waiting under the shade of a tree. He stood up to meet me as he saw me approaching.
As we meet, he positioned himself at my back. I am still baffled until a glittering lace fell at my neck. The necklace was beautiful and my heart almost jumped with what he just did. I turned around to look at him as our eyes met.
Then in a sudden, teardrops from heaven fell as the dusk slowly enveloped the earth. We were soaked wet. I didn’t know what I was actually feeling. Everything was all mixed up. But in the parade of emotions, one has risen above the others. I lifted my hands to unlock the necklace as I took it away from my neck. I returned it to Darwin. After what had happened, something became clear to me. I am finally free. I kissed Darwin at the cheek and said goodbye to him as I then ran to a familiar figure carrying an umbrella, waiting for me from afar.
<3 LAE 05/09/10
I was on a quest, on an attempt to forget the person I love. It was a 24-hours countdown I gave myself which ended with an accident. I realized that I was so stupid because I have loved him even on the instance when I am supposed to hate him. I saved the life of the girl who captured his heart… and his happiness was tantamount to my every pain. But maybe love is really like that, trying to make the one you love happy even if it means putting you out of the picture.
Kuya said I’ve been unconscious for days but the doctor said I’m slowly recovering. I hope so… maybe physically I will, but emotionally it would surely take time.
It was around 11:26 in the morning when three bangs on the door were heard. First came Isabelle who felt really sorry for my misfortune, followed by Darwin whom in his eyes is seen a heart filled with so much gratitude.
Isa rushed towards me as she held my hand. She kept on saying sorry as she asks me what I’m currently feeling. In my heart, how I wished I could tell her how I am aching inside… that I‘d rather had chosen to die instead of living in lies. But then the best answer was just a smile, a smile which could mean to her that everything is gonna’ be fine. Darwin was just looking at me. At times our eyes would meet as I then hurriedly move my sight to another direction. Everytime I look at him, I can’t help but lose my defenses… I keep falling over and over again.
Isa’s phone rang that she went outside the room to answer the call. In her absence, I was left alone with Darwin who is seated by the bench positioned opposite to my bed. He started talking to break the silence.
“You terrified us.” He said
I took a deep breath as I gave an answer, “I have to… that was the best thing to do.”
I then move my body as I turned around to avoid seeing him as I continue with my speech, “if I was the one in Isabelle’s position, and if you were the one in mine, would you do the same thing?”
Then there was silence. All that was heard was the exchange of our breathing. Droplets of water were slowly falling from my eyes as loneliness illuminate the room at a snail’s pace. I ain’t sure if he understood what I was implicitly telling him, all I knew is that I am still hurting.
***
Days have passed and I’m back to my old self… away from the smell and gloomy feeling of my hospital room. I’m back to school and people were glad that I am. They have been very curious, asking me the same question again and again. And just like any memorized piece, I kept saying the same speech monotonously.
My club mates were the ones worried the most. They even act overly as they glue me on one place, forbidding me to do what I am supposedly to do for the club. “Don’t do this… Don’t do that… don’t worry Celine we can manage… just sit still…” blah blah blah! Now that was more tiresome. And the funny thing is that they appointed Glenn to become my personal assistant until I fully recover.
On the other hand, If I am one tasked to do the visuals of the publication, Glenn is the one assigned for the sports section. He is in his junior years like me. He joined the publication team, three months after I did. I am not really that close to him. All I knew about him are the little facts which are not new or hidden to anyone. If not for what had happened to me weeks ago, I may not have had the chance to knowing this guy I have always been with in the team.
It’s so akward having Glenn around. Being so silent, I get so intimidated with him. Why do they have to guard me like I’m a baby or well at least why Glenn when we’re not even friends. He even gives me chills whenever he stabs me with his stares… weird Glenn.
The adjustment stage with Glenn around was quite difficult and annoying but after a few days, I started getting used with it. We were not really that close but he was very patient doing the errands that are supposedly mine. I wish to offer him a little help but he only answers me with a smile.
***
Right after class, as I put my notes back to my bag and as people slowly emptied the room, I noticed Isa. She was just on her chair, silent and doodling on her notes. I called her to ask if she wants company out. She just looked at me and then looked away. I knew something is wrong and something’s badly bothering her so I sat on the chair adjacent to hers. I started asking questions which might be the cause of the murky mood… about her family, about school and finally about Darwin.
As I mentioned Darwin’s name, Isa started crying as she told me that they broke up last night for unclear reasons. I stood from where I am situated as I move towards Isa to give her a hug. I should be happy because Darwin is finally free- my chances of having the man I have wanted all my life have amplified. But then I can’t. I feel so sorry for my bestfriend… I didn’t care about Darwin... I cared more about Isa.
***
I was at the clubhouse, eyes closed and with my earphones attached to my ear, silently thinking of what could have happened. Why was it so sudden? They seemed to be both in love with each other back then. I was so engrossed with what I was thinking that I didn’t notice Glenn’s arrival. I almost fell off my chair as Glenn’s face welcomed me as I opened my eyes – just about inches away from mine. His brows meet as he curiously gaze at me. I was shocked as his dark brown eyes met mine. I have never looked at him this close and have never realized how beautiful he is. My face was hot, I realized that I was blushing.
I broke the thing off as I stood from my chair and started talking. His eyes are still glued on me, following me with a serious look.
“So what do you think you’re doing?” I asked him with my hands clasped together.
“Looking at you?” he answered me as he ends it with a smile
I looked at him as he looked at me. There was silence… and then the room was filled with our laughter.
***
Glenn has been my constant companion since I got back to school. I never really expected that I’ll like him. He was just once a shadow passing by my table at the clubhouse. But now, he’s company has been always wanted. I never really thought that we’ll become good friends. But fate was good to me… the accident suddenly became a blessing in disguise.
My free time was filled with chatting and I suddenly became interested with Sports. Having Glenn around, I get to have fresh inside scoops about the school’s status with regards to Sports plus I get to include their bloopers in my comic section. Glenn was a very interesting man. He’s not just good looking but he’s also smart. Well added to his being patient when he became my personal assistant.
I’m actually doing fine now. I have recovered from the accident but still not sure ‘bout what I’m feeling with Darwin. Well I’m getting a lot of information about him from Glenn but then it was no longer much of a thing to me. If it had been weeks ago then maybe I’d care more… but I have to admit it, I still have a liking for him. Maybe I am just overwhelmed with the attention Glenn has given me that I am forgetting Darwin ones in a while. I am even still curious about what he was telling me while we were inside the ambulance. When they were rushing me to the hospital he was saying something, something vague to me until now.
I was about to do something at my table, starting my thing for the arts when Stephanie called from behind. She was playing with her hair with both his legs on the table as she looks at the ceiling counting the nails tucked. She interrupted her moment as she said.
“Remember the basket ball player named Darwin, Celine?” she asked,
I just looked at her and smiled as she continued her talking. “Well he dropped by two hours ago and said that he’ll be waiting for you at the soccer field.”
I just smiled until what Stephanie said fully registered in my mind. “Oh Shit. Two hours ago? why did no one ever tell me?” I took a sip on my cola as I hurriedly ran towards the soccer field. Two hours is too much… and why could he be looking for me? Is it something to do with Isa? Thoughts came rushing in but I still am not sure what’s really going on. In normal conditions, it takes me ten minutes to reach the field from the club house, but now? With the adrenaline rushing through my veins, I miraculously did it in six minutes. I was still catching my breath as I reached the field. Darwin was still there…waiting under the shade of a tree. He stood up to meet me as he saw me approaching.
As we meet, he positioned himself at my back. I am still baffled until a glittering lace fell at my neck. The necklace was beautiful and my heart almost jumped with what he just did. I turned around to look at him as our eyes met.
Then in a sudden, teardrops from heaven fell as the dusk slowly enveloped the earth. We were soaked wet. I didn’t know what I was actually feeling. Everything was all mixed up. But in the parade of emotions, one has risen above the others. I lifted my hands to unlock the necklace as I took it away from my neck. I returned it to Darwin. After what had happened, something became clear to me. I am finally free. I kissed Darwin at the cheek and said goodbye to him as I then ran to a familiar figure carrying an umbrella, waiting for me from afar.
<3 LAE 05/09/10
My 24 hours Tragedy
All my life I wanted to be special… to be loved and cared for. I have searched for Mr. Right and thought of finding him when I met you… you were my soul mate, my destiny but not for long after you broke my heart.
You were heading towards me with a smile on your face… so sweet that I felt like melting. Then you took me away from the crowd and told me that you have something to tell me. My heart was banging.... its thumps were so loud that I hardly hear the noise around us. You were holding my hand so tight and I wanted that moment not to end. Then you took me into the old library. You started talking. Our eyes met and the beat of my heart was louder than ever.
“I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a long time but the timing was never perfect. Celine, I need you… will you please help me with your bestfriend Isabelle? I am madly in love with her… will you help me?”
My world tumbled down unto my feet. I did not knew what to do when I heard those words came out from his mouth… how silly of me to make myself believe that he loved me. Who am I for him to love when I’m just one of those freaky geeks who knew nothing but paint and draw while he is the campus crush and a lot of beautiful college girls’ crowd over him? Everything he told me in the morning is still fresh in my mind and I can’t help but cry everytime I remember it. I am desperate to forget him and to move on with my life so I’m giving myself 24 hours to forget…. And the timer starts now 3:13 in the afternoon, Thursday, November 30.
I didn’t notice how time ran so fast. I am now sitting by the veranda 4:00 in the afternoon. If has been 47 minutes since I gave myself 24 hours to forget him. Tears slowly tumble from my eyes as I stared at the school paper’s issue where he and his teammates are being featured. His face was so warm and so calm as if he was really alive and looking at me. How could I be so dumb to expect much from him and assume that he likes me too? I am determined to forget him and I’m sure 24 hours would be more than enough for me to do it.
I then left the veranda and head towards my room. I got my log and wrote every detail that had happened in the morning. My hand was shaking together with my hearts refusal of what had happened. I made myself believe that it was just a nightmare even though I knew that it was for real.
8:32 p.m., after eating dinner I directly head towards my room. I took my pen and a piece of paper from my table and started writing down the things I must do for tomorrow. These things will keep my Saturday morning busy and this could be my way to forget him.
7:00- wake up and start the day with the smile (no time for mourning; happiness is a decision… I think so)
8:00-9:00 – exhaust myself with biking (ONLY ME AND MY BIKE!!!)
9:00- 11:00 – go visit the library or the internet cafe (spend time reading till my eyes surrender or surf the net, I need to learn things out)
11:00- 12:00 – draw, paint, and sketch till my hands admit defeat (no one would even mind…)
12:00- 1:30 – crush the diet and eat till drop… (I’ll eat everything I want to eat… NO ONE CAN INTERFERE)
1:30- 3:13 – scroll in the mall (WHATEVER!!!!)
3:13 - I’m definitely over him (I PROMISE)
After writing my schedule for the next day, I knelt down with tears asking strength and guidance from God. I can’t brag on what had happened. Life must go on; it ought to. I then slept and prepared myself for the next day.
Saturday morning came and as scheduled I woke up at exactly 7:00 in the cock-crow. For an hour I took things in a swift. I ate my breakfast, tidied the house, clean myself up and took my bike out with me. It was already 8:15 when I left but the 15 minutes delay won’t do me harm and still I’m sticking up with my schedule.
I had a great time with my bike. I toured the whole subdivision and realized that I could have not enveloped my place if I was not heartbroken. But eventhough I had great time, still Darwin is in my mind. I keep telling myself that I will make it and by the end of the day I’ll be back to my real self.
9:03 when I reached the library to start digging down books and surf the net. I find the books so irritating because mostly of them were about love with happy endings which I didn’t feel like reading. Yeah, yeah, yeah…why does it all have to be happy endings when those things only exist on books? So I continued stepping myself on to the internet café. Exploring the net wasn’t so much fine because I had no idea about any topic that would interest me so I just killed the time playing computer games. Gunbound, ragnarok, crazy taxi, battle realms, pangya… those are just a few of the games which made me release my stress. Even the silliest games made me extend my hours in playing and erase my supposed to be drawing session. Well at least I was able to forget him in my little ways.
It was 12:30 when I left the internet café. I proceed to the mall to eat every kind of food I wish to eat even if it might cause my savings. I was on the pizza parlor, taking my line for my order when a tap was felt on my back. It was Isabelle and guess what; he was with Darwin; just how destiny plays games with me. I flashed them both a smile. I was irritated but I need not show it to both of them.
We were done with our orders so the three of us chose to sit down on the table located by the end corner of the pizza parlor. It was a comfy area, away from people passing and with an overlooking view by the garden located outside the mall. I wasn’t comfortable with them, Just how the both of them ruined my schedule which made me doubt whether I’ll make it or not. The confidence I had in me was shaken whenever I see their eyes meet. Of all the thousands of people I could see why would then it be the both of them? Everything is starting to get ruined. Doubt had cloaked me in silence without even asking my approval. I wanted to send myself out from their sight but I don’t want to be mean. Sometimes we just have to forget self respect in able for us to spare other people.
It was 2:00 when we left the store. Isabelle invited me to come with them. I wanted to say no but I know it would only disappoint my bestfriend so I had no choice but to come. I was walking behind them all the time because I didn’t crave to interfere in their moment. Eventhough Isabelle asked me to come; I know she wants to spend more time with Darwin. It was only yesterday when Darwin asked me to help him out with Isabelle but after all he never needed me because he was able to do it in his own.
Seeing them both happy was great pain in me. In their eyes I see that in the little time they spent they were complete and it made me realize that I am really defeated even before the battle begun.
It was 3: 05 when we started walking out the mall. I was still walking behind them. Darwin would look back seldom than Isabelle does, but every look he gave to me brings joy in my heart. 8 minutes more before 3:13 but still I am not through him…
We were about to cross the street when I saw an overhauling car from behind. The car was about to hit Isabelle if I wasn’t able to push her and caught the car for myself. The next thing that happened was vague.
I found myself inside the ambulance when I woke up. Isabelle was holding my hand, crying for my misfortune. Darwin was seated opposite her… he was saying something but I couldn’t hear it. I tried to read the words from his mouth but everything was blurry.
I’m tired and I know God is about to take me. 3:13 is through but I have failed myself because I’m not yet through him. My love for him has bargained my life. But despite all, I’m still glad because I was able to save my bestfriend and the girl he loves… at least he won’t be crying much. And now I could finally say it’s finally over.
Our true identity is to love without fear and insecurity. Our higher potential finds us when we set our course in that direction. The power of love and compassion transforms insecurity.
Doc Childre
You were heading towards me with a smile on your face… so sweet that I felt like melting. Then you took me away from the crowd and told me that you have something to tell me. My heart was banging.... its thumps were so loud that I hardly hear the noise around us. You were holding my hand so tight and I wanted that moment not to end. Then you took me into the old library. You started talking. Our eyes met and the beat of my heart was louder than ever.
“I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a long time but the timing was never perfect. Celine, I need you… will you please help me with your bestfriend Isabelle? I am madly in love with her… will you help me?”
My world tumbled down unto my feet. I did not knew what to do when I heard those words came out from his mouth… how silly of me to make myself believe that he loved me. Who am I for him to love when I’m just one of those freaky geeks who knew nothing but paint and draw while he is the campus crush and a lot of beautiful college girls’ crowd over him? Everything he told me in the morning is still fresh in my mind and I can’t help but cry everytime I remember it. I am desperate to forget him and to move on with my life so I’m giving myself 24 hours to forget…. And the timer starts now 3:13 in the afternoon, Thursday, November 30.
I didn’t notice how time ran so fast. I am now sitting by the veranda 4:00 in the afternoon. If has been 47 minutes since I gave myself 24 hours to forget him. Tears slowly tumble from my eyes as I stared at the school paper’s issue where he and his teammates are being featured. His face was so warm and so calm as if he was really alive and looking at me. How could I be so dumb to expect much from him and assume that he likes me too? I am determined to forget him and I’m sure 24 hours would be more than enough for me to do it.
I then left the veranda and head towards my room. I got my log and wrote every detail that had happened in the morning. My hand was shaking together with my hearts refusal of what had happened. I made myself believe that it was just a nightmare even though I knew that it was for real.
8:32 p.m., after eating dinner I directly head towards my room. I took my pen and a piece of paper from my table and started writing down the things I must do for tomorrow. These things will keep my Saturday morning busy and this could be my way to forget him.
7:00- wake up and start the day with the smile (no time for mourning; happiness is a decision… I think so)
8:00-9:00 – exhaust myself with biking (ONLY ME AND MY BIKE!!!)
9:00- 11:00 – go visit the library or the internet cafe (spend time reading till my eyes surrender or surf the net, I need to learn things out)
11:00- 12:00 – draw, paint, and sketch till my hands admit defeat (no one would even mind…)
12:00- 1:30 – crush the diet and eat till drop… (I’ll eat everything I want to eat… NO ONE CAN INTERFERE)
1:30- 3:13 – scroll in the mall (WHATEVER!!!!)
3:13 - I’m definitely over him (I PROMISE)
After writing my schedule for the next day, I knelt down with tears asking strength and guidance from God. I can’t brag on what had happened. Life must go on; it ought to. I then slept and prepared myself for the next day.
Saturday morning came and as scheduled I woke up at exactly 7:00 in the cock-crow. For an hour I took things in a swift. I ate my breakfast, tidied the house, clean myself up and took my bike out with me. It was already 8:15 when I left but the 15 minutes delay won’t do me harm and still I’m sticking up with my schedule.
I had a great time with my bike. I toured the whole subdivision and realized that I could have not enveloped my place if I was not heartbroken. But eventhough I had great time, still Darwin is in my mind. I keep telling myself that I will make it and by the end of the day I’ll be back to my real self.
9:03 when I reached the library to start digging down books and surf the net. I find the books so irritating because mostly of them were about love with happy endings which I didn’t feel like reading. Yeah, yeah, yeah…why does it all have to be happy endings when those things only exist on books? So I continued stepping myself on to the internet café. Exploring the net wasn’t so much fine because I had no idea about any topic that would interest me so I just killed the time playing computer games. Gunbound, ragnarok, crazy taxi, battle realms, pangya… those are just a few of the games which made me release my stress. Even the silliest games made me extend my hours in playing and erase my supposed to be drawing session. Well at least I was able to forget him in my little ways.
It was 12:30 when I left the internet café. I proceed to the mall to eat every kind of food I wish to eat even if it might cause my savings. I was on the pizza parlor, taking my line for my order when a tap was felt on my back. It was Isabelle and guess what; he was with Darwin; just how destiny plays games with me. I flashed them both a smile. I was irritated but I need not show it to both of them.
We were done with our orders so the three of us chose to sit down on the table located by the end corner of the pizza parlor. It was a comfy area, away from people passing and with an overlooking view by the garden located outside the mall. I wasn’t comfortable with them, Just how the both of them ruined my schedule which made me doubt whether I’ll make it or not. The confidence I had in me was shaken whenever I see their eyes meet. Of all the thousands of people I could see why would then it be the both of them? Everything is starting to get ruined. Doubt had cloaked me in silence without even asking my approval. I wanted to send myself out from their sight but I don’t want to be mean. Sometimes we just have to forget self respect in able for us to spare other people.
It was 2:00 when we left the store. Isabelle invited me to come with them. I wanted to say no but I know it would only disappoint my bestfriend so I had no choice but to come. I was walking behind them all the time because I didn’t crave to interfere in their moment. Eventhough Isabelle asked me to come; I know she wants to spend more time with Darwin. It was only yesterday when Darwin asked me to help him out with Isabelle but after all he never needed me because he was able to do it in his own.
Seeing them both happy was great pain in me. In their eyes I see that in the little time they spent they were complete and it made me realize that I am really defeated even before the battle begun.
It was 3: 05 when we started walking out the mall. I was still walking behind them. Darwin would look back seldom than Isabelle does, but every look he gave to me brings joy in my heart. 8 minutes more before 3:13 but still I am not through him…
We were about to cross the street when I saw an overhauling car from behind. The car was about to hit Isabelle if I wasn’t able to push her and caught the car for myself. The next thing that happened was vague.
I found myself inside the ambulance when I woke up. Isabelle was holding my hand, crying for my misfortune. Darwin was seated opposite her… he was saying something but I couldn’t hear it. I tried to read the words from his mouth but everything was blurry.
I’m tired and I know God is about to take me. 3:13 is through but I have failed myself because I’m not yet through him. My love for him has bargained my life. But despite all, I’m still glad because I was able to save my bestfriend and the girl he loves… at least he won’t be crying much. And now I could finally say it’s finally over.
Our true identity is to love without fear and insecurity. Our higher potential finds us when we set our course in that direction. The power of love and compassion transforms insecurity.
Doc Childre
confessions!!!!
It happened for a week. But that seven day experience has been the longest week of my eighteen years of existence. January 25th till the 31st of 2008 was the most unforgettable days of my life. Papa was lying on the bed in the Intensive Care Unit of the Maria Reyna Hospital while me, mama and ate are restless and couldn’t do anything in able to ease the pain papa is feeling at that moment.
Papa is inside the room with his body attached to four different machines. There is also a tube inserted on his mouth in able to sustain his breathing. I couldn’t look straight at him because I can feel the throbbing in his eyes. I couldn’t hold his hand, because I am afraid. I couldn’t bear seeing him in that state. Because everytime I look at him, I can’t stop my tears from falling.
Mama on the other hand tried to be very strong for me and ate. Despite her wounded heart and empty pocket, mama has never forgotten her obligations as a mother. She hasn’t worked for a week and stayed beside papa. She has witnessed papa’s every pain inside the room as well as to papa’s slowly withering body. Mama has been there hopefully praying for papa’s recovery.
Papa’s admittance in the hospital came to me as a surprise. When I left home, he was fine and the night before that, I was even talking with him while we both cook for ate’s study peers. Then in an instant, I just received a message telling me that papa’s in the ICU.
After exactly a week, papa died. My best buddy and my best guy have left me. And the Papa’s girl looses the very reason of her identity ... his Papa.
Papa died at the age of 63. But his experience of being a dad took only 21 years of his existence. Papa created a big mark on me. And his death tore me into pieces. I was in the midst of dying because of the excruciating pain that I am feeling; and in the midst of the desire to live and to continue.
I have lost the person that I was. I had chosen to be always alone, silent and unmindful of the beautiful things that life is constantly offering me. I was in the state of complete carefree. I didn’t mind… and I was even pretending that papa is just beside me.
It was a turning-point. My world totally stopped and I was struggling to fix my chaotic soul. He was my best man and his absence was a struggle in my everyday existence. I was used with him beside me. I lived a life trying to always please him and he has been the very reason of my every struggle of becoming a better Lezlee. And when he died, I died together with him.
This was also a religious experience not only to me but to my whole family. We have learned the preciousness of each other and we have learned our temporality on earth. We have learned to give value and credit to even little things that we do for each other. We have grown into becoming a much better family.
But despite all that had happened, God has never failed to show his immeasurable love not only for me but for my whole family. I thought it would be very hard for us but after a year and four (4) months we have slowly recovered. Everything should move forward, as much as my life should move on. The Lord has given me a lot of blessings while mama, ate, together with my friends have never failed to show me that life is still beautiful. The Lord has shown me papa through everyone who have patiently waited for my return.
In my everyday questioning of why it had to happen, the Lord has constantly wrapped me with His love. I have not yet found the answer to that question, but He has given me more than enough reasons why I should move forward.
Papa’s death was such a pain but God made me realize through many people that papa will always remain. I am his legacy and I must strive to become better not only for his sake but most especially for myself.
Papa is inside the room with his body attached to four different machines. There is also a tube inserted on his mouth in able to sustain his breathing. I couldn’t look straight at him because I can feel the throbbing in his eyes. I couldn’t hold his hand, because I am afraid. I couldn’t bear seeing him in that state. Because everytime I look at him, I can’t stop my tears from falling.
Mama on the other hand tried to be very strong for me and ate. Despite her wounded heart and empty pocket, mama has never forgotten her obligations as a mother. She hasn’t worked for a week and stayed beside papa. She has witnessed papa’s every pain inside the room as well as to papa’s slowly withering body. Mama has been there hopefully praying for papa’s recovery.
Papa’s admittance in the hospital came to me as a surprise. When I left home, he was fine and the night before that, I was even talking with him while we both cook for ate’s study peers. Then in an instant, I just received a message telling me that papa’s in the ICU.
After exactly a week, papa died. My best buddy and my best guy have left me. And the Papa’s girl looses the very reason of her identity ... his Papa.
Papa died at the age of 63. But his experience of being a dad took only 21 years of his existence. Papa created a big mark on me. And his death tore me into pieces. I was in the midst of dying because of the excruciating pain that I am feeling; and in the midst of the desire to live and to continue.
I have lost the person that I was. I had chosen to be always alone, silent and unmindful of the beautiful things that life is constantly offering me. I was in the state of complete carefree. I didn’t mind… and I was even pretending that papa is just beside me.
It was a turning-point. My world totally stopped and I was struggling to fix my chaotic soul. He was my best man and his absence was a struggle in my everyday existence. I was used with him beside me. I lived a life trying to always please him and he has been the very reason of my every struggle of becoming a better Lezlee. And when he died, I died together with him.
This was also a religious experience not only to me but to my whole family. We have learned the preciousness of each other and we have learned our temporality on earth. We have learned to give value and credit to even little things that we do for each other. We have grown into becoming a much better family.
But despite all that had happened, God has never failed to show his immeasurable love not only for me but for my whole family. I thought it would be very hard for us but after a year and four (4) months we have slowly recovered. Everything should move forward, as much as my life should move on. The Lord has given me a lot of blessings while mama, ate, together with my friends have never failed to show me that life is still beautiful. The Lord has shown me papa through everyone who have patiently waited for my return.
In my everyday questioning of why it had to happen, the Lord has constantly wrapped me with His love. I have not yet found the answer to that question, but He has given me more than enough reasons why I should move forward.
Papa’s death was such a pain but God made me realize through many people that papa will always remain. I am his legacy and I must strive to become better not only for his sake but most especially for myself.
Beauty and Madness
It was already late and tears from heaven fell madly. A car is swiftly traveling by the highway as tears slowly tumble together with the rushing of the heavy rain. A truck was promptly approaching towards the car which made the driver hurriedly turn left to avert collision. But despite the immediate action, a further accident occurred as a fish carrier from behind overhauled the truck. The driver of the car stepped the brakes to stop. But, due to the slippery road the brakes didn’t hold. The car turned in circles and hit a light post just nearby. Due to the great impact of the shunt, the car was thrown off the bridge down to the river as it slowly sinks.
I was in my room. I was busy with my computer chatting with a friend from New Zealand whom I did not meet personally. I’ve just known her through the internet a few months ago and since then we’ve been in touch through the computer. I was listening music at the same time when I heard shouting from the living room. I was sure that it was my mom and dad again quarrelling ‘bout those little things that has slowly grown into something big. I didn’t mind them that much; instead I turned the volume of the speaker a little louder for me not to hear the raise of howl from the other side of the door. I did not pay attention on what actually was going on for the reason that I knew that those are just one of their insignificant quarrels which again were opened up. For a while I was right when suddenly silence filled the house. I baffled with what happened but I continued on what I was doing until I heard my elder sister cry as big thumps were given unto my door. I was terribly alarmed and in great shock as I unswervingly unlock the door of my room. My sister was kneeling as she talked in tremble while tears tumble from her eyes. Words hardly came out from her lips as slowly letter by letter from her statement fascinate within me. I slowly fell as her words resound in my head… “Mama will leave us, she’s going away.” I didn’t understand the feeling I felt that moment. I was sad, angry, filled with hatred. I pitied myself. I did not know what to do. I wanted to scream as tears slowly crawl from my eyes down to my cheeks. I can’t breathe with that flash…I felt alone. All I heard was my sister piping her eye. I refused to believe what’s going on. I slapped my face once, twice, even thrice to let myself deem that everything is just a nightmare and the best way to do is to wake up. Things ended as I realized that everything is for real.
I stood upright- brave: wanting to show my elder sister that I am strong. I wiped the tears that are slowly falling. I got a glass of water from the kitchen to give it to my sister as I slowly leave her sight. I gave very big footsteps as I went out the house down to the garage. I didn’t had the idea if anybody noticed me as I walked away. I went outside without any coat or umbrella inattentively minding every drop of rain that slowly turns me wet. I fill the red car as tears continue to rush together with rain. I stayed there for a while. As I bow my head to the wheel drive I remembered my mother. In my mind is a picture of her. She is such a busy woman. She does the working to earn for our living. With her monthly salary, we were sent to school, we eat, we were dressed and we get what we want and needed. I remember her cooking for the holidays…salad, pastries, cookies. Eventhough she is a nagger, everything she does for the family is definitely appreciated. When mom comes home from work, I and my sister race towards her as dad follows from behind. My father was the person we spend most the time with. He is the one left at home with us. He accompanies us at school. He does the cooking and he indeed is very much close to me and my sister. With all the naughtiness I have done in my life, I was with him. I remember him smiling as I run at him everytime mom pinches me. And then my sister shouts… cheering with all her might. My sister is very intelligent by the way. She was always one of the top three students. She teaches me with my math assignment at times and whenever she is in her mood. I don’t know but it’s just that I and my sister don’t get along that much. We have very little in common and we differ in likes and dislikes. I remember the days when we quarrel and then dad would scold us both leaving the both of us in silence.
I remember my family… we were not like this before. We were happy despite our petty quarrels. Now, things have changed. I raised my head as I stared at the oak tree near the gate. I remembered the days when I was there climbing and extending my hands up the sky… trying to reach heaven. I continued to cry as I ask myself what went wrong and why this has to happen. We were not like this, we were happy despite all he trials and problems that have come our way. I am deeply confused if still I have to consider my house a home and the people living in it as my family.
I got the keys from my pocket and turned the engine on. I didn’t know where to go the only thing fixed in my mind is that I should depart and disappear from the vicinity of our house.
Together with the heavy rain and the noise from the engine, my heart beats fast; faster then anything else. More than the rain, or the engine, or the clashing roar of thunder, what sounds most is the noise created by my heart. I remember how my friends tell me how blessed I am with my family and how I make their every squabble humorous at the front of my classmates and friends. I remember how I smile despite the tears that have flooded my heart.
It was already late and tears from heaven fell madly. The car is swiftly traveling by the highway as tears slowly tumble from my eyes as it race with the rushing of the heavy rain. I was so confused; with my family, with myself. I slowly absorb every bit of reality that collides within my senses. I ran away from home to run off everything. I ran away to break away from all the things that are occurring.
On the peak of my escape, a truck was promptly approaching towards me. I hurriedly turn left to avert collision. I thought everything was under control but despite a further accident occurred as a fish carrier from behind overhauled the truck. I stepped unto the breaks to stop but due to the slippery road, the brakes didn’t hold. The car turned in circles and hit the light post just nearby. Due to great impact of the shunt, the car was thrown off the bridge down to the river as it slowly sinks.
The daisies are now in full bloom. I am about to leave so I went to our house to give my last gaze on it. For the last time, I stared at our house. Still I am confused. I am hoping to bring back the ambience of a home into our house. Then my attention was pushed towards the oak tree. Now, I will no longer extend my arms to reach the sky…. Heaven is just within reach.
I was in my room. I was busy with my computer chatting with a friend from New Zealand whom I did not meet personally. I’ve just known her through the internet a few months ago and since then we’ve been in touch through the computer. I was listening music at the same time when I heard shouting from the living room. I was sure that it was my mom and dad again quarrelling ‘bout those little things that has slowly grown into something big. I didn’t mind them that much; instead I turned the volume of the speaker a little louder for me not to hear the raise of howl from the other side of the door. I did not pay attention on what actually was going on for the reason that I knew that those are just one of their insignificant quarrels which again were opened up. For a while I was right when suddenly silence filled the house. I baffled with what happened but I continued on what I was doing until I heard my elder sister cry as big thumps were given unto my door. I was terribly alarmed and in great shock as I unswervingly unlock the door of my room. My sister was kneeling as she talked in tremble while tears tumble from her eyes. Words hardly came out from her lips as slowly letter by letter from her statement fascinate within me. I slowly fell as her words resound in my head… “Mama will leave us, she’s going away.” I didn’t understand the feeling I felt that moment. I was sad, angry, filled with hatred. I pitied myself. I did not know what to do. I wanted to scream as tears slowly crawl from my eyes down to my cheeks. I can’t breathe with that flash…I felt alone. All I heard was my sister piping her eye. I refused to believe what’s going on. I slapped my face once, twice, even thrice to let myself deem that everything is just a nightmare and the best way to do is to wake up. Things ended as I realized that everything is for real.
I stood upright- brave: wanting to show my elder sister that I am strong. I wiped the tears that are slowly falling. I got a glass of water from the kitchen to give it to my sister as I slowly leave her sight. I gave very big footsteps as I went out the house down to the garage. I didn’t had the idea if anybody noticed me as I walked away. I went outside without any coat or umbrella inattentively minding every drop of rain that slowly turns me wet. I fill the red car as tears continue to rush together with rain. I stayed there for a while. As I bow my head to the wheel drive I remembered my mother. In my mind is a picture of her. She is such a busy woman. She does the working to earn for our living. With her monthly salary, we were sent to school, we eat, we were dressed and we get what we want and needed. I remember her cooking for the holidays…salad, pastries, cookies. Eventhough she is a nagger, everything she does for the family is definitely appreciated. When mom comes home from work, I and my sister race towards her as dad follows from behind. My father was the person we spend most the time with. He is the one left at home with us. He accompanies us at school. He does the cooking and he indeed is very much close to me and my sister. With all the naughtiness I have done in my life, I was with him. I remember him smiling as I run at him everytime mom pinches me. And then my sister shouts… cheering with all her might. My sister is very intelligent by the way. She was always one of the top three students. She teaches me with my math assignment at times and whenever she is in her mood. I don’t know but it’s just that I and my sister don’t get along that much. We have very little in common and we differ in likes and dislikes. I remember the days when we quarrel and then dad would scold us both leaving the both of us in silence.
I remember my family… we were not like this before. We were happy despite our petty quarrels. Now, things have changed. I raised my head as I stared at the oak tree near the gate. I remembered the days when I was there climbing and extending my hands up the sky… trying to reach heaven. I continued to cry as I ask myself what went wrong and why this has to happen. We were not like this, we were happy despite all he trials and problems that have come our way. I am deeply confused if still I have to consider my house a home and the people living in it as my family.
I got the keys from my pocket and turned the engine on. I didn’t know where to go the only thing fixed in my mind is that I should depart and disappear from the vicinity of our house.
Together with the heavy rain and the noise from the engine, my heart beats fast; faster then anything else. More than the rain, or the engine, or the clashing roar of thunder, what sounds most is the noise created by my heart. I remember how my friends tell me how blessed I am with my family and how I make their every squabble humorous at the front of my classmates and friends. I remember how I smile despite the tears that have flooded my heart.
It was already late and tears from heaven fell madly. The car is swiftly traveling by the highway as tears slowly tumble from my eyes as it race with the rushing of the heavy rain. I was so confused; with my family, with myself. I slowly absorb every bit of reality that collides within my senses. I ran away from home to run off everything. I ran away to break away from all the things that are occurring.
On the peak of my escape, a truck was promptly approaching towards me. I hurriedly turn left to avert collision. I thought everything was under control but despite a further accident occurred as a fish carrier from behind overhauled the truck. I stepped unto the breaks to stop but due to the slippery road, the brakes didn’t hold. The car turned in circles and hit the light post just nearby. Due to great impact of the shunt, the car was thrown off the bridge down to the river as it slowly sinks.
The daisies are now in full bloom. I am about to leave so I went to our house to give my last gaze on it. For the last time, I stared at our house. Still I am confused. I am hoping to bring back the ambience of a home into our house. Then my attention was pushed towards the oak tree. Now, I will no longer extend my arms to reach the sky…. Heaven is just within reach.
Shooting Stars
I grew up believing that wishes can come true, that dreams can be real, that everything in this world is about happy endings. That was how I see the world…that was how I view life. That was what I thought! But many have happened and I have outgrown the happy vision of the world. I am through chasing my dreams and have given up the thought that it would come true. I have stopped wishing and have chosen to stick my thoughts to reality than to wishes. I have lost my hopes on happy endings. This isn’t a fairytale and my life can never end like Belle’s, Cinderella’s or Snow White’s.
***
I was walking by the school grounds watching how the kids run to and fro as they hurriedly transfer from one class to another. This is the usual scene. This is how my eyes are trained everyday. It was a busy day and the sun was proudly showing his light to everyone. The leaves were in deep green and the trees were standing so alive in might greeting me a good day. The wind blows my hair as it passes through my face sending me kisses of good luck. “It’s gonna’ be a great day.”
It’s a Wednesday morning - school’s wash day. This has been every student’s favorite day. The day when we get to go to school wearing the trendiest clothes we have in our closets. I was wearing my pink shirt. This was my brother’s gift to me during my birthday two years ago. This may not match the “in” fashion but this has been my all time favorite. Not to mention the color though. Well, I may not be as pretty as the girls in high heels but I actually don’t care (well, I actually care a little), what matters to me is that I’m comfortable with what I’m wearing.
There were already a lot of kids in the room. My Philosophy class is almost filled as I arrived. I was about to get into the room, smiling like the sun as I wave my hand to greet my friends. Then suddenly someone standing in front of me turned around and spilled his coffee down to my shirt. “DAMN! What a very good day to start my morning.”
***
Seven thirty-two... that was the exact time I arrived at the room. I was a bit early than expected and there were still very few people. “one, two, three, four, five, six heads.” Not bad for an eight o’ clock class. Twenty-eight minutes more before the rest are declared late and before I fix myself to another boring session. I dropped my bag into my place as I decided to walk down towards the cafeteria. It’s too early for me to feel sleepy so I need to get myself something to keep me awake.
At a very early time, the cafeteria is still in its peaceful mode. With very few people eating their breakfast or just taking the chance to sit down, the chaotic place during snack and lunch time has evolved into a relaxing venue for people who simply wants to be at peace. I slid my hands on my pocket as I directly have a grasp on a ten-peso coin. I walked towards the coffee machine as I put the coin on the hole for the cash and as I then wait for the hot coffee to come pouring on my cup. The aroma of the coffee awakened me and the heat has warmth my body. As soon as I got my coffee, I hurried back to the room. Tardiness is a capital sin for me and I can never forgive myself if ever I come to class late.
Most of my class mates were already at the room when I arrived. The BA boy who sits next to me was already on his seat, as well as the Biology chick who sits two chairs away from him. The class genius was also on his seat, silently reading his Chemistry book. I was near the door sipping my coffee, keenly observing my class mates when I heard someone call my name. I turned around surprised that someone was actually behind me. Then down went my coffee… staining her pink bright shirt! OOOPSSSS!
***
“SH*T, I’m almost late.” I am running, drifting my way to my 6th floor class as I ate a slice of sandwich in my hand. This has been my everyday routine. Running, running, running…just because I’m almost late. And people I believe have been used with that too. No questions asked. Tardiness has become my family name. I was constantly looking at my watch, chasing the time. I have to be on time for my class or else I’ll get to stand at the back the whole period again.
I was catching my breath. Some people are still standing outside the room and that relieved me. With the adrenaline running through my veins added to my persistence and the unexplained law of attraction, I was able to be on time. Well, still late though, but at least earlier than our teacher. I hurriedly looked for familiar faces and was glad to directly recognize my best friend. He was standing near the door. I called for his name and was glad that he immediately turned around. But too late for him to notice that a girl was standing behind her. The coffee spilled all over the girl’s shirt and all we could do was to witness her misfortune.
***
Now that was how I started my day… a complete mess. But what can I do? What has been made is done. Even if I get mad with the boy, and even if I kill him in my mind, it will never erase the stain his coffee left my shirt. So all day I was disgusted as I keep on repeating my explanation on what had happened whenever someone asks me about the untidiness I run into. Even when I got home, the unending question of what had happened resounded until I finally got to lock myself in my room to tidy myself. I will never forget that day…and I will never forget that boy.
***
I was so surprised of what happened and I am sincerely sorry for the girl. If I could only bring back the time and take her place then I would. I didn’t mean it. Asking forgiveness might lessen the intensity of her anger but it can never erase the damage I made. I cannot blame her if she would condemn me for life. I will never forget that day… and I will never forget that girl.
***
I can never erase the idea in my mind that I was at fault. If I didn’t call him then maybe he didn’t spill the coffee on that girl’s shirt. I am sorry to both of them. I will not forget that day… and I will not forget how I made their lives intersect in a very unhappy meeting.
***
So that was how I met Gyle… the boy who spilled coffee on my favorite shirt. It has been three years since that incident happened and two years since I fell in love with that boy.
LAE 08/ 22/10 <3
PAGPUKAW
Who would ever thought that it would only take minutes before we all realize what we have done to our home? Who would ever realize that the earth has to shed its tears before we can finally pay attention to all that we have been doing? Who would ever know that it would only take one night for humanity to change its outlook about nature?
The very recent “Sendong experience” that occurred here in Cagayan is considered one of the most deadliest and tragic disasters in Philippine History. With thousands of lives and properties lost, everyone felt the wrath of Mother Nature. Many have blamed the government officials who have never foreseen the tragedy and have not been very responsive of the warnings given by PAGASA. Others have blamed the mining and logging industries that have recklessly cut down trees and excavated our mountains. Some have blamed the hardheadedness of people who lived in the areas by the river, while many have questioned the integrity of our regional environmental departments. But unfortunately, only few among us have had the humility to accept that he was part of the problem.
If there was something good in what had happened to Cagayan de Oro on the 16th of December 2011, maybe it was when everyone became conscious of this urgent need to look into our environment. After what had happened, people started looking into the factors that may have contributed to Sendong. And yes, we realized that what was natural was reinforced by anthropogenic activities – by our own acts towards the environment. True to its nature, it is very easy to blame others…but we find it very difficult to swallow our own pride so that we may accept our own mistakes.
We have failed to see that the plastic wrappers that we do not throw properly when accumulated may block the drainage systems. We forgot that trees help in absorbing water during heavy rains. We did not remember that whenever we recycle, we lessen the garbage that we throw in our dumpsites. We were wasting our environment not thinking that the future generations whom we shall share this earth are the ones who will sacrifice due to our being carefree. We have forgotten our obligation to the earth, because in the first place, we have forgotten that we are all connected.
As I look into the faces of the affected children, I see innocence and fear…and I feel sorry. They do not know what is truly happening and they have no idea of the kind of earth that they shall inherit. There is fear, fear of the unknown – a fear towards something that they cannot grasp.
Our eyes may have opened when the rushing waters came and it may have washed away our selfish beliefs. But it’s just so sad that we have to lose not just our homes but a thousand lives and thousands of dreams before we realize that we have to do something. It’s sad to know that for us to wake up from our apathy, and for us to realize that innate goodness and authentic concern for the earth, Sendong has to happen.
The disaster brought by Sendong will pass, but may we never forget what had happened…because what will kill us is not another storm or another raging water. The greatest disaster will happen when we forget the things that Sendong taught us - when we leave behind what has happened and think of it as nothing but a bad dream.
LAE 4/28/12
.001(Kuwentong Kalye atbp)
Alas onse nang gabi, ika walo nang Nobyembre 2008. Matapos ang isang mahabang araw nang kayod ay naisipan kong maupo at magsulat nang mumunting mga kaganapan na aking napansin sa aking paligid. Kaninang umaga pa lamang ay aligaga na akong isulat ang mga ideyang nagpupumiglas at kumukawala sa aking mumunting isipan. Aaminin ko na hindi ako gaano mahusay magsulat gamit ang wikang Filipino, ni hindi ko kabisado ang tamang pag gamit nang "ng" at "nang" o ang "rin" at "din." (Aking paghingi nang despensa sa aking mga naging guro sa Filipino :D) Ngunit hayaan ninyo sanang gamitin ko ang ating sariling wika, hindi rin naman natin makakaila na ito ay tunay na matalinghaga. Pero ako sana ay inyo ring ipagpaumanhin kung may mga salitang hindi naman maiwasang gamitan ng wikang banyaga o salitang hiram. May mga salita talagang mahirap isalin gaya na lamang nangLaptop, blog, shower o di kayay cellphone.
Hayaan niyong simulan ko ang aking pagsasalaysay sa pamamagitan ng isang bagay na ginagawa ko araw-araw - ang pagsakay nang dyip. Araw araw akong sumasakay nang jip mula Molugan hanggang Cagayan de Oro. Isang Oras. Isang Oras kung walang traffic. Pero kung traffic, swerte na ang isa at kalahating oras. Nakakapagod ang palagiang biyahe at nakakainis ang gitgitan nang mga sasakyan sa kalsada lalo na kung may hinahabol kang oras. Pero hindi naman sa lahat nang pagkakataon ito ay nakakabagot. Marami ka namang magagawa sa loob nang djip. Minsan nga nagiging "extension" na ito nang ating mga sariling tahanan. Ako nga maraming nagagawa sa djip - nagbabasa, nakikinig sa music, kumakain,nagmumuni muni, nagmamatyag at minsan nakikitawa sa mga kasamang pasahero (mabuti sana kung kakilala ko, eh mas madalas hindi. FC lang o feeling close).
Hindi naman ganoon ka haba ang isang oras pero mahigit dalawampung pahina na ang mababasa mo kung magbabasa ka sa isang oras na byahe. Umaabot pa nang tatlumpo o apatnapu depende narin sa font size at laki nang libro o documentong iyong binabasa. Pero hindi rin naiiwasan na may mga magtatanong sa iyo kung nakikita mo pa ba nang maayos ang binabasa mo o kung hindi nalalaglag ang mga letra at mga salita sa bawat pag alog nang sinasakyang djip. At ang pinaka pagsubok ay ang malakas na radyo na tila nakikipagkumpetensya sa mga ideyang nais ipinahihiwatig nang iyong binabasa. Nasa pinaka rurok ka na sana nang istoya nang bigla kang napahinto at napakanta kasabay nang awit na nagmumula sa sterio nang sinasakyang djip. O pwede rin namang dalang dala ka na sana sa nakakaiyak na emosyon nang biglang Gangnam ang naging background music mo. Lalo na siguro kung piilit mong minememorya ang bahagi nang katawan ng isang palaka para sa Biology class mo nang biglang One Direction ang umaalingawngaw sa loob nang djip. O diba challenging.
Pero mas okay narin yung nagbabasa lang sa jip. Minor case palang iyan. Aba may mga kabataan kayang gumagawa rin nang assignment kahit ang bilis nang magpatakbo ni manong driver. Hindi naman siguro sila adik mag aral noh?
(to be continued...)
#11092012Ling
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